Reflecting

Lucky for me follow-up visits have been uneventful. I had one a couple of weeks ago and everything looks like it's fairly normal. My blood work did show that my CRP levels are elevated. CRP tests indicate inflammation levels. I have been feeling pretty normal with very little joint pain although my hip bones have been more stiff than usual in the mornings or when I  get up from a sitting position. Overall I am doing 100x better than I was!

Yesterday while my husband was at work, he saw our beloved Dr. Kazi and chatted with him for a moment. Dr. Kazi inquired about my health. After my husband updated him on how well I am doing Dr. Kazi said, "I've never seen anyone in renal failure like she was make a recovery." BAM!

That kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I understood how sick I had been. I was there after all. I was the one getting poked, prodded, tested, transfused, dialized, and all the other things they did to me. In a lot of ways it's surreal.

 On Tuesday, Feb 15th it will be one year since I found out that I was in renal failure. My husband, ironically, will be leaving on another business trip that day, just like he did last year (at my insistance) only this year he won't have to come back because I might be dying.

Anniversaries cause you to think back and remember. Some anniversaries are sweet, like your wedding anniversary or the birth of a baby, or your first date. Some anniversaries bring a lot of grieving. I never grieved so much in my life as at the first anniversary of my father's death. I didn't even grieve so hard at his actual passing.

I try to be a spiritual person and I am active in my church. I have a deep faith in God and in His plan for our lives. I have felt His hand in my own life many many times. I think that God really protected me from feeling scared and unsure when I was sick. I don't think that I realized at the time the gravity of the situation I was in...and it is probably a very good thing.

This last year has been so full of blessings and goodness in my life. I am so thankful to have been allowed to remain with my family. To become a grandmother to two sweet baby girls. To be a mommy to my 10 year old son. To be a mother to my grown children. To be the wife of an amazing man.

I'm glad I didn't miss out on any of it. I'm thankful that even though I was so completely miserable for the first half of the year that I had them and that there was so much happiness despite the pain.

Life really is good.