Originally I wanted to post this last Saturday, Dec 18. That was the one year anniversary of the beginning of my illness. I've thought about it all week...in between the baking, wrapping, shopping and taking care of my new granddaughter.
It's hard to believe that this time last year I was laying in a hospital bed attached to IV's, a catheter, and receiving so many medications I can't remember most of my week in the hospital. It was on Christmas Eve that we were told that I might have lymphoma and shortly after that I went in for a bone marrow biopsy.
So what has this year brought to me? Well for starters, an appreciation for good health that I didn't have before. I took my relative good health for granted and assumed that I would always be the way I was. I'm not a health nut, exercise freak or anything like that but I'm basically a strong person, I can walk, take care of myself and my family, and do things I like to do. When I couldn't even roll over in bed without help and suddenly needed help to get dressed, brush my hair and put on my socks, I realized how much I had lost.
I also learned that being a patient patient makes dealing with something like this a lot easier. I wanted to speed through my recovery but my body wouldn't cooperate. I found myself thinking a lot about people who are trapped in bodies that don't want to work...the elderly, people with muscular dystrophy and others whose bodies are twisted and frail who have minds that are functioning like any other normal human being. It really stinks relying on others to survive through taking care of your basic needs. Patience has never been a virtue of mine but I'm learning.
Probably one of the most important things I got this year was a new outlook on the power of prayer and my own faith and the faith of family and friends. I have a firm knowledge that I was healed of all my infirmities by my Father in Heaven. I also believe that if it were His will that I die, that no prayer could have kept me here. I think that prayer brought me and my family great peace and the ability to get through this trial with power and strength and that it was the Lord's will for my life to be spared. There are so many who pray for healing who end up dying. Are their prayers less powerful, are they not heard? I don't believe that is true. I believe that prayer for the Lord's will to be done and for our acceptance of it is probably the most significant things one can learn in life.
I'm grateful that it wasn't my time to go. I would have missed out on a lot of beautiful things. The first beautiful thing would have been witnessing the birth of my first granddaughter in March. I was well enough to go to Arizona and be there when she was born. It was one of the most miraculous things I've ever seen in my life, more so than the birth of my own children. She is a blessing to me.
I'm grateful for time that I've spent with my 9 year old son who was scared out of his mind that his mother might die. I've had fun watching him grow this summer and really develop a wonderful sense of humor. I love that he will come and sit near me and snuggle, that he will often come up to me and put his arms around me and tell me that he loves me. I'm grateful that I can do the same for him. He needs his mom.
I was fortunate enough to have my college age daughter home while I was going through this illness earlier this year. She was a rock to me. She had to dress me, help me go to the bathroom and had to see things no child should have to witness in a parent. I think it made her stronger and more appreciative, I know that it made me love her even more.
I'm grateful for the time that I've been able to spend with my husband. Things seem so much sweeter. We celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary and I've enjoyed reconnecting with him in a way that would not have happened had this whole thing not transpired. We are closer than we've ever been. I would have felt really gypped if I'd missed out on all the goodness that has come into our lives this year, especially becoming grandparents.
Our oldest daughter gave birth to our second granddaughter on December 4th. Another event I might have missed. It's fitting that this new life comes to our family this Christmas. Last Christmas was so depressing and mostly forgotten. My husband and I stood outside of the operating room when this little baby was being born via c-section. The nurse came to the door and opened it as this sweet baby took her first breath and cried her first cries. What a sweet and tender moment in my life. As we stood at the door embracing, I felt a happiness that I probably wouldn't have felt had I not gone through this last year. My struggle has made me appreciate life's blessings so much more!
Never thought I'd say this but I'm grateful for this trial. Life is so much better now because of it.
